The Shining City in Our Minds

What use are memories if you have none? You can try and force them in, but what can you do when you realize that the part of the brain has blocked off memories? What good does showing things that don't spark memories? I personally find it more important to forge new memories with what we have now, and not worry about what happened before. Lets build on the foundation we have, rather than try and rework it.

I remember good times and bad, but it isn't always that easy for some people. Given the chance I feel it is better to make good memories with them, than worry over the memories they have. So that is what I will do, because I imagine a better life that way rather than forcing memories and when they don't remember, feel bad because they don't remember. I'm no genius, and anything I say I must be held accountable for, otherwise they are just words without meaning. I have meaning, and reasons for the words I write and the voice I use. At first it was for the purpose of publishing my thoughts and ideas, now it is because it makes a difference.

I know not how many people have actually read all of my posts here, but I know that one in particular shocked and surprised me with what she thought, and how it made her feel. I found my purpose in her words, and understood my meaning. All in all nothing prepared me for the proverbial tornado that would sweep my world away. I remain, not because I have to, but because I want to, because I understand myself, and have realized what I could be.

I turned my gaze, and as I did so, found myself face to face with the one thing I never imagined I would have. I do not know if anyone who reads this truly knows what it is like to feel that fear, the fear that there is nothing in this world that understands. I found someone who understands, and I don't think I can ever let go. There is always a catch however, and the catch here is that I don't know how long it will take, or how far I will have to go. It isn't that I'm not willing, it is that I know not what to expect, and with that comes trepidation.

Travel Logs Part II

These are the final days of my time in Fort Jackson, South Carolina. Some things I can not describe, and others I should not describe. These were days of strange decisions and wonderful people. I had come to Fort Jackson with a mind to not make friends or really do anything. That changed when I met those four women, who would go on to make it a life long memory of mine. I thank each of them for their part, and hope that I impacted them too.

More than that, I saw the Miss South Carolina contest, and visited North Carolina for a while. The biggest thing that I took out of every experience was that I would have missed the chances of a lifetime. To enjoy the company of amazing people from very different backgrounds and never forget the times we shared. I salute you, dear friends, for making this trip one of the best I have ever had.

So I graduated on the Commandants List, one of two. This means that I was recognized as one of the highest grade point averages. I suppose I have a natural affinity for Postal Operations. In any case, this is the final part of my travels in South Carolina, thank you everyone I met along the way.

Travel Logs Part I

So here, on these pages, I will recount the adventures I had while in South Carolina, which may not be exciting to some, but for me, it was an experience of a lifetime.  I went down in order to attend the Postal Operations course the Army gives for people in my job.  Though as I had known before going, but more than likely you did not, it is an inter-service course, so Marines, Navy, and Air Force all attend the school.  Fort Jackson, South Carolina is a hot, humid, and groggy place I have detested since I was here for AIT, thankfully in AIT I had friends to get through it.  I had to make new friends this time, which was okay, besides, what could I of expected?  Some of the old AIT folks attending the same school at the same time I did?  No, though such a thing would be awesome, it was unlikely to occur.

So what did it feel like to be back in Fort Jackson?  I am glad you asked, because I was just going to tell you how strange it was to see all the old haunts.  There was a certain amount of nostalgia for the simpler days, when all I knew was school, and the eight other people I had to live with.  Call me crazy, but it was not the place I was most nostalgic about, it was the people.  All the intricacies, eccentrics, and conflicts had a place, and it made it fulfilling to go through school.  Though it never felt that way when I was there, after it was over and I was gone and unlikely to see them again, I missed them.  You never truly miss something until you no longer have it.  That is so true, and I have experienced that in more than one way.  Right, well, back more on to the point, the first week was fine, got to hang out with Christopher Dresnek, my previous supervisor as he was up there for his Advanced Leaders Course, and that was fun.  However, it is taken up by in processing, and learning the ropes of military mail.

Second week stood out most when I broke out of my shell a little bit and actually started talking to people, that makes time pass easier, when you are not quiet and people seem to genuinely want to talk to you.  Getting into conversations like, “I wonder if someone invented this,” to which my reply was, “They had to of, otherwise it wouldn’t be around.”

Hearing things like, “I feel poofy.”  Makes waking up at five in the morning worthwhile.  At Charlie Training Support Battalion, you will get a whole mix of people from all over, and it makes for some fun times.

The greatest of those first two weeks was a situation in which Staff Sergeant Hollingsworth and myself were completing an exercise and SSG Hollingsworth decided to show me how to endorse a package by using one of his stamps saying, “You endorse this package with this stamp, like this” while pressing the stamp onto the paper.  When nothing was stamped, he stared in amazement that it did not work.  Then, looking at the bottom of the stamp and saying, “But it doesn’t work unless you take the cover off,” classic SSG Hollingsworth.  (Before you scream and yell about using real names, I got his permission before I even wrote down the quote.  Just putting that out there, take it or leave it.)

Third week came upon us as first platoon and we were assigned duty platoon for the week.  Not a bad gig just had to stand in front of the formation every morning with the guide on (company flag).  All the other duties were usually the kind the Army has, like a police call (picking up garbage) and therefore unpleasant.  The bonus that came with being in third week was that everyone was a lot more comfortable with each other, making class go by a lot easier.

When it came time to be in week four, I was feeling good, prepared to face whatever lay ahead.  That is the funny thing about life, there is always a surprise waiting around the corner.  Good, bad, ugly, and the indifferent, the important things are made with our bare hands, through work, hard work.  The easy way through life is never the best, making lasting relationships takes effort.  Wednesday night was incredibly chancy and anything could have gone wrong at any point.  That was beside the point however, because I went looking to have fun, and I left having an experience that will stay with me for a long time coming.  Who knew karaoke could forge such lasting bonds between friends?  I did not until Wednesday at the local bar. 

Moral Bankruptcy

According to Webster’s New Millennium™ Dictionary of English, moral bankruptcy is “the state of being devoid of morality and ethics, used especially for business and political entities.”  Most have heard of the controversy behind violent video games, and at one time violent television shows.  In fact, on May 9, 1961 Newton Minow had this to say to the National Association of Broadcasters:

“Is there no room on television to teach, to inform, to uplift, to stretch, to enlarge the capacities of our children?  Is there no room for programs deepening their understanding of children in other lands?  Is there no room for a children's news show explaining something to them about the world at their level of understanding?  Is there no room for reading the great literature of the past, for teaching them the great traditions of freedom?  There are some fine children's shows, but they are drowned out in the massive doses of cartoons, violence, and more violence.  Must these be your trademarks?  Search your consciences and see if you cannot offer more to your young beneficiaries whose future you guide so many hours each and every day.”

Minow saw in the broadcasting of television a serious lack of important shows.  The television of 1961 contained a miniscule amount of actual channels depending on where the receiver was set.  Now, in the present time, channels go into the hundreds ranging from similar to bizarre.  Television is now a part of life, people watching one sports game simply to see the commercials that show during it.

           

Also in today’s mediums of entertainment contain violence of any sort, usually set apart by no-blood, blood, blood and gore, and the apex called ultra-violent.  Of course, that is not the end of depravity, there is also sexual themes, sexual images, and sexual instances.  In the Beijing Olympics in 2008, table tennis players wore clothing with “curves” in order to attract people into the stands.  People were not coming to the events, so they had to make players more “attractive.”  Then of course, one has to look at that particular instance of Leryn Franco, a javelin thrower for Paraguay.  Over the Internet, she was a “star” not because she won an event, but because she looked good.  The purpose of the Olympics is to show athletic talent across nations, not a beauty pageant (which is in of itself a form of demeaning activity).

           

We have in a sense, decreased the moral standard over a period of few decades.  To some, it is progress, others, a retreat from a foundation of values.  Whichever it may be, people should be careful of what is taken in, because regardless if you see what effects it may have, the generations after can and will.  Society says women should work, why should they not have the choice?  It is difficult to understand why someone should pay for the raising of their own child if they wish to raise it themselves. Equality is not separating the things you can and cannot do; it is giving you the opportunity to choose.  That is what the founding fathers had based this nation on, the right to choose.  Our purpose on this earth is unknown, and often, one must question it.  Especially when one loses someone close before what seems his or her appointed time. 

Everything we do is dangerous in some way, and it is inevitable for us to pass, that is our mortal curse, but it is not that we might die; it is what we do with what we have.  I know I have spoken on this before, and said so many times, but it is true, and bears repeating.  Awake and alive, more than just words, but a modus operandi, to admit failure, but never let failure submit you.

The Good, The Bad, and The Rest

So while we wait for whatever it is you have loading on the other tab, lets take stock of some good things in life. Family, without them there wouldn't be any life to take stock of, friends because without them we wouldn't be able to make sense of anything. Food because without it we could not live, but these are all given, facts, nothing of the aforementioned good things are good because of the consequences, or the effect they have. Not everyone's family is a positive experience, some friends are not good friends, and too much food leads to issues. What are the good things in life then? A sunny day, a pat on the back, or a smile from the person you've been trying to attract for the past few months?

I suppose like beauty, it is in the eyes of the beholder. Since it is easy to see the negative in things too, and it isn't smart to always walk around the world with rose colored glasses on, but it puts things in a proper perspective. I've fallen out of the habit of smiling when greeting people, and even something that small can ruin a first impression. It is impressive how much of a difference a handshake, or simple hello makes. Sometimes that's all someone needs to have their day brightened. So it isn't what happens that makes something good, its the perspective we see it in.

If that is the case, then what is bad but the opposite of good? Then what makes something bad is how we perceive any experience. Though that, I don't think, covers it all. No, because bad is an overused term to describe anything we don't like, and therefore should be used less in this post. Because this isn't about dislikes and what makes us the opposite of happy. It is about the wrong things in life, the things no one can explain, aches and pains in places there is no cure. Not evil, just not right, not what we imagined how life would play out. That's just it though, we can't know how life plays out, its the biggest secret of our existence. The key is not what we thought might happen, or where we wanted to be by this point in our lives, the key is experiencing it all, the good, the wrong, and the rest.

That is life, experience. The right, the wrong, and the indifferent. Our future will come whatever we do, what we need to worry about is where we are now, and make the best of what we have, no matter the scope. Some lessons parents can't teach, there are lessons only life can teach, and they are usually the hardest. The thing to remember is that no matter how hard life is, you can still wake up every day and make a difference in someone or somethings life. A man once said that chivalry was not dead so long as there was one man who still believed in it. There are those who can tell you personally that I believe in it. I am a gentleman because I choose to be the better person, even when they say good guys finish last. Not because I want someone to realize it, but because I want to make someones day, to make them feel like someone notices, someone knows, someone listens and hears.

Waking

Imagine waking up to a slight breeze, swaying the trees back and forth. A thin fog drifts gently around you, a newly risen sun breaking through the trees and placing spots in random patterns on the forest floor. Mornings are my favorite times, especially if I can see dawn break over mountains, there is something mystical about it, something that tells me life could not be coincidence. I can't ask for reason then, its impossible for me to beg for answers, because I know it will be okay, no matter what I experience on this earth, I can expect something better, and I know God has a plan for me then.

It is the waking hour of day that so modestly compels action, knowing you have something to get done. Even when there aren't any plans, just as long as you do something. Rise and shine, greet the new day. Because its what you do today that matters, so lets make the best of it. That does not mean that I don't like or enjoy sleep, I enjoy it very much, but when the dawn breaks, it is time for waking and preparing for the day. However we all need sleep, its important for our body to recharge itself. Kind of like a battery. Acid and all, though your stomach acid isn't quite as powerful as battery acid. Though that is a whole different category of things. Moving on to bigger and better things.

In the few experiences I have had, the ones I've had sleeping next to a woman is the best sleep I've ever had. There is something about having a woman next to you that makes everything a little more comfortable. Even when they push you off the bed. There is always the bonus of waking up and seeing her there next to you, its indescribable, at least for me. That's why I don't think I could actually pick up a random woman from a random club or bar, because when I wake up, I want to wake up next to someone I know, someone I won't want to run away from at the first opportunity. I'm not like many of the guys here, I can't make myself just pick up a woman. I'm a personal guy, I want to know you, listen to you, and be with you.

I appreciate the guys trying to get me hooked up, but I can't do it the way they do it, it's against my very nature. Introvert, that is what I am, and that makes it important for me to trust you before things get personal. That means I'm not going to push myself out there for everyone to see, I'll be there, for the one that realizes there is more to life than sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Until then, I'll stand by, watching sadly as I witness people wasting their lives on one night stands and unfounded relationships.

Hearts

Nothing quite like you,
Without a reason to do,
The things I do,
To put pleasure in those eyes,
This I cannot deny,

Saved by the bell,
How quickly you fell,
Worried you'd sell,
To find an empty cell,
Would leave an open shell,

The reasons I fight might not be yours,
I take the oars,
To guide to good shores,
To save what is left,
No matter the chores.

My foray into poetry. I'll admit it's fifth grade stuff, but it is an attempt. I felt inspired today. Friday the 13th no less. Hope you all have a great weekend, and be safe.

Theoretical Theory

Today is the kind of day you can appreciate nature in its many forms.  Such days are rare in the North Country of New York, but they are special ones. This sort of day requires a thing of sweet tea and a park bench, not caring about being alone, indeed, not caring about anything. Listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers walking some trails, watching rays of sun break through the trees gives you such a feeling of fulfillment. It has occurred to me that such natural beauty has gone unnoticed and taken for granted.

That is probably the most redeeming factor of living here; it is very beautiful here, especially in the fall. Even though it is sometimes twenty below zero, the snow cover often adds a fairytale feature to the landscape. I look at all this and wonder how anyone could ever doubt the possibility of a higher power. Moreover, how anyone could think that all of this came from a cosmic explosion. Of this I am certain; this world was formed with the purpose of supporting life. I have no doubts on this fact.

Chaos is an after effect of our interaction with sin, not a state of nature. Nature was created for the implicit goal of sustaining humanity, the laws of physics, chemistry, mathematics, and biology are factors we use to explain the universe and everything we find in it, not a tool to disprove or prove the existence of God. That is impossible, because God created nature and the rules with which it is driven. How do we as mere mortals define rules that an omnipresent, eternal being, created? Where do we get the right to say what is God’s and what is not God’s? Can it not be possible that God uses evolution to bring the world to the state He desired it to be? Creation has always been taught to be seven days, but I personally believe that God can create and destroy any world in any amount of time He wishes.

 

I am not a pastor, nor a priest, or in any capacity a speaker for the Church. There is no education in Theology in my resume and I am not really old enough to say I have experienced much of anything. However, I am a thinker, and as thinkers always do, I contemplate things that perhaps, not everyone does. That may seem improper to you, but for me, it gives me reason, and that is important. If you desire to contradict or debate anything I have said, feel free to do so, but please dear reader, be civil.

That All Too Familiar Feeling

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and perhaps I travel with rose colored glasses, because I see it everywhere. It is so under appreciated, the value of observation, though we use it constantly. We notice so much without even thinking, body language and the like. It surprises me sometimes when I realize how far it goes. Even the location of your thumb when you have your hands in your pockets can indicate different things. It is incredible the minute details we find and interpret automatically.

My point is this: It doesn't matter. What matters is that you behave according to who you are, not what they want you to be. Life isn't about proving you are someone, it's about showing the world who you are. It's too short to go around pretending to be something you aren't. I see it a lot, and I've been guilty of it. However, I've come to realize it's pointless, you can't avoid who you are, it's always there, in your shadow, following you wherever you go.

Sounds creepy, and it is, always will be until you take off the mask and reveal the real you. Because in all honesty, the real you is the best. If I only ever did the things that made me comfortable, I probably wouldn't do much, because it's when I'm out of the comfort zone I can have more fun, and experience the new. I would never have been able to say I've slept in a hotel tub if I had stayed in my comfort zone, or said I'd carried a passed out drunk into housing so we wouldn't get into trouble.

Life experiences are important, not just for the stories they tell, but for the knowledge that they bring. It is an honor and a privilege to know the people I have known, for the experience they have given me so far. My life goes on, and I hope many more stories and experiences will come out of it. I'm tired of "What if's" in my path, because it makes things so complicated. Sometimes it's good to question the logic of things, but not everything. All too often I have stopped myself because I wonder about the end result, but where is the fun in that? 

Easter

Having just recently watched The King's Speech and The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader I feel there are a few things there needs to be said about perseverance. It is an outstanding quality of character, and often leads to grand results. In addition to that, perseverance is the after affect of courage. It takes courage to jump out of an airplane skydiving, but it takes perseverance to do it more than once. We face challenges every day, each one fitted to our experiences.  The important thing is rising to that challenge, people notice when you handle challenges and challenge yourself.

I have difficulty with challenging myself sometimes, especially if it seems to me like it's an impossible task. Of my many flaws, it is part of the more serious ones. As us men like to quantify things, I have categorized my flaws in terms of severity. That, however, is not interesting enough to list  here on this post. In fact, these posts have mostly been about how crappy I feel about myself, which is silly, because I have to accept who I am. It seems so much better to be accepted for who I am rather than who they want me to be. Sometimes I forget that, "An open mind is like a fortress, with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."  Too many bad things get in without resistance.

The strength of character is measured by the individual in the performance of every day, because that is the best test of character, how we perform daily, not just when it counts. I get so carried away with monotony of work, video games, information, and various other factors that I forget what is important in life. God, family, friends, country, then everything else. I am a man of faith, but my faith is not always focused in the right directions. It has been too long since I sat in a house of God, and it makes me sad that I have not maintained a solid relationship with my Lord and Savior.

So this coming Easter Sunday I have in mind to do what I can with what  I have, because I need to.I call on you, dear reader, to help me in this endeavor. Sunday morning, send an Easter message to your friends and family, via Facebook(tm) or whatever communication device you can, nothing fancy, just a "Happy Easter" if you like. Without further adieu, I bid you goodnight, Happy Easter, and God bless us, everyone.

Noble

I've considered myself a noble person, but lately I've asked myself this question:

What makes me noble?

The result of my internal inquisition provides me with no hints as to my true nature, only a strong desire to do the right thing in my heart, but my mind tells me the wrong things. I've built myself a gutter and my mind is set deep in it, wading amidst the acrid thoughts, images, and deeds. If you ask me what I am proud of, I'd tell you I'm proud of my mother, for putting up with all five of us, my sisters, for staying strong through thick and thin.

There is no space for pride in myself, any accomplishment I have done is because I can, not because it defines me. Satisfaction in life stems from experiencing events, not from floating through and accepting whatever outcome presents itself. No one got anywhere by doing nothing, it is the ones that tried, failed, tried again that made a difference. I myself want to make a difference, make the world a better place, and as I grow I learn, and as I learn I adapt.

Even so, amidst this sense of self-fulfillment, there is a need for companions, friends, compatriots, peers, lovers, coworkers, colleagues, and tutors. Without these there would be no growth, no understanding, only ignorance. Progress has no place in ignorance, and the more ignorant, the less growth and understanding. When we recluse, we lose the ability to understand, what we interpret we readily believe, without the ability to see past the interpreters predisposition.

So much on this earth can be attributed to the prejudice of mankind. It has nothing to do with race, nationality, religion, or gender. That would imply that everyone in that group believes the same thing, when even in a group not everyone thinks the same. An individual is the only one accountable for the beliefs they hold, it should never be confused with the deeds of the many. Multiple people might have the same goal, but not everyone goes about it the same way. I, in no way, believe that if we all held hands and sang songs the world would be a better place. These statements are merely things I wish you, the reader, to think about. To go outside the box that the media, politicians, and public figures, have placed for you. Thinking of the world as home to over 6 billion individuals, all with different thoughts, beliefs, and understanding than you.

It is not our job to filter out these individuals, it is our job to safeguard their future, to ensure the next generations have a place to live after we've gone. I don't consider myself an environmentalist, but I do believe in sustainable living, and understanding that the world is not our playground, it is our home, our dwelling, and all the people that live here, live here because they were born here and therefore deserve the right to enjoy it.